There's a Freud in Your Future

By Margaret Bennett

MARGARET BENNETT is the pseudonym for two Sherman Oaks, California, ladies, both of whom are librarians.

Buick, in naming one of its models after a popular psychological complex, the Electra, finally acknowledged a basic truth: the automobile in American life serves primarily not as a means of transportation but as a couch; its main purpose is not to move us from place to place but to provide us with a socially acceptable outlet for our psychosexual needs.

If the Electra proves financially successful, we can expect a psychogenic rash of imitative behavior on the part of other firms. In fact, when the model year 1975 rolls around, automobile advertising may sound like this:

Freud Motor Company’s most prestigious dream car, the Megalomaniac LSD, makes your every delusion of grandeur come true as you revel in the complete fulfillment of two traffic lanes and three parking spaces. You will thrill to Megalomaniac’s unsurpassable Fantaseeflyte transmission and delight in the overreaction of its exclusive Egocentric power steering. Your Megalomaniac has, as standard equipment, pretension coil springs, overinflated tires, self-aggrandizing power seats, and superior mental climate air conditioning. Of course, a symbiotic host of optional aberrations are available at exorbitant prices. Don’t you think it’s time you let yourself be transported by this unique autistic experience?

After years of painstaking research into the repressions and unconscious desires of the American public, the Freud Motor Company proudly announces a car that you will be compelled to love — the Oedsel. There is a strength of maturity in its ample, flowing lines. There is warmth and security in the living-womb comfort of its softly padded and upholstered interior. Every bump along life’s road is blotted out by the Oedsel’s Rorschach absorber system, and you know you’re safe when you’re held fast by the uncuttable miracle-cord Umbilo-belt. The Oedsel appears in many subtle, guilttinged shades. All in all, it’s a completely arresting vehicle, one that you’ll have to have to get out of.

This is the hot one ! Freud’s new free-wheeling action car, the EeSatyr, is the climax of almost a half century of auto-erotic achievement. From the phallic symbol ornament on the lustrous hood to the licentious plate on the fast back, this road-hugging piece of machinery is designed for those whose love of performance is insatiable. Couple your LeSatyr’s high-potency Passion-8 engine with either the exciting Libido-matic transmission or the orgiastic four-on-thefloor four-speed sex drive. Intensify your pleasure with the special lofidelity instant-warm-up radio, errant conditioning, and pneumatic bliss tires.

First-place winner in this year’s Humble Economy Run is Freud’s dependable, modestly priced compact, the Superego, respected everywhere for its purity of design, clean lines, rigid construction, and structural integrity. You’ll always enjoy perfect control with the Superego’s original austeering wheel, oversized self-adjusting brakes, tension-action stabilizer bar, and high-repressionratio engine. The interior, tastefully done in virgin vinyl and stainless steel, features upright seating upholstered in sturdy moral fiber, and a halo-lighted instrument panel. Available in several models: Model Wife, Model Husband, Model Son, and Model Citizen. The Superego will suit your compulsive drive to perfection.

The product of diabolical German engineering and accident-prone Italian design, the Sado-Masochisti Gran Praecox sports roadster brings a new dementia to your driving. Never before has such a versatile torture mechanism appeared in Freud’s exhibition rooms. The GP’s wild horsepower psychomotor, equipped with uninhibited neurasthenic exhausts, allows you to simultaneously terrify and deafen as you whip in and out of traffic. The claustrophobia-inducing interior dimensions, springless floor seating, and arm-wrenching ten-speed Etcrno-shift make your own ride pure agony. The SadoMasochisti’s complex construction and all imported handmade parts turn each minor repair into the ultimate experience in financial selfflagellation. Customize your GP with the popular Rally Pac, featuring ticometer, automatic choke, Torquemada converter, and Marquis de Sade grille. Yes, with the SadoMasochisti Gran Praecox you can find release for your every destructive urge and death wish. Truly, this is the car for the Jung at heart.

But, on second thought, it’s probably not necessary to wait until the future for your Freud. Just look into the advertising — and the cars — of today. A neurosis by any other name . . .