A Comedy of Terrors

III.

REJECTED ADDRESSES.

AT the very time when the two ladies were carrying on the foregoing conversation, one of the subjects of that conversation was in his room engaged in the important task of packing a trunk. Mr. Seth Grimes was a very large man. He was something over six feet in height; he was broadshouldered, deep-chested, well knit, muscular, and sinewy ; he had a large face, with small, keen gray eyes, short beard, mustache, and shingled hair. About his face there was an expression of bonhommie mingled with resolution, to which on the present occasion there was superadded one of depression. The packing of his trunk, however, appeared at the present time to engross all his thoughts, and at this he worked diligently, until at length he was roused by a knock at the door. He started up to his feet, and at his invitation to come in a young man entered.

“ Hallo, Carrol ! ” said Grimes, “ I’m glad to see you, by jingo ! You ’re the very fellow I wanted. It’s a thunderin’ piece of good luck that you dropped in just now, too. If you’d come half an hour later I’d been off.”

Carrol was a good-looking young fellow enough, with a frank, bold face and well-knit frame. But his frank, bold face was somewhat pale and troubled, and there was an unsettled look in his eyes, and a cloud over his brow. He listened with a dull interest to Grimes’s remark, and then said, “Off? What do you mean ? ”

“ Off from this village for good and all.”

“ Off? What, from Montreal ? Why, where are you going ? ”

“ Around the globe,” said Grimes, solemnly.

“ I don’t understand you.”

“ Wal, I’m packin’ up just now with the intention of startin’ from this village, crossin’ the plains in a bee-line for Californy, then pursuin’ my windin’ way per steamer over the briny deep to China, and thence onward and ever onward, as long as life pervades this mortal frame. I’m off, sir, and for good. Farewell forever, friend of my soul. Think of me at odd times and drop a tear over my untimely end.”

“ Hang me if I understand a single word of all this,” said Carrol. “I see you ’re packing your trunk, but I had no idea you were going off so suddenly.”

“ Wal, sit down, and I ’ll explain ; sit down. Fill the bowl. Here’s lots of pipes, make yourself comfortable, and gaze your fill at the last of your departin’ friend.”

At this Carrol took a chair, and sat looking at the other with dull inquiry.

“ First of all,” said Grimes, “ I’m goin’ away.”

“ Really ? ”

“ Honest. No mistake. Cut stick, vamoose, never again to come back, to go like ancient Cain a wanderer and a vagabond over the face of the earth, with a mark on my forehead, by jingo!”

“Look here, Grimes, don’t you think you’re a little incoherent to-day?”

To this Grimes returned no immediate answer. He stood for a few moments in thought, then looking round he selected a chair, which he planted in front of Carrol, and then seating himself here he stooped forward, leaning his elbows on his knees, and fixing his eyes upon the other’s face.

“ See here, Carrol,” said he, at last.

“ Well ? ”

“ You’ve known me for several years, you’ve watched my downrisin’s and my upsettin’s, and ought to have a pooty good insight into my mental and moral build. Now, I’d like to ask you as a friend one solemn question. It’s this. Have you ever detected, or have you not, a certain vein of sentiment in my moral stratum ? ”

“Sentiment?” said Carrol, in some surprise ; “ well, that depends on what you mean by sentiment.”

“So it does,” said Grimes, thoughtfully; “ ‘ sentiment’ ’s a big word, embracin’ a whole world of idees extunnel and intunnel. Wal, what I meant to ask was this, —have you ever detected in me any tendency to lay an undoo stress upon the beautiful?”

“The beautiful; well, no, I don’t think 1 have.”

“The beautiful in — in woman, for instance,” said Grimes, in a low, confidential voice.

“ Woman ? Oho, that ’s it, is it ? What, do you mean to say that you ’ve got a shot from that quarter ? What, you ! Why the very last man I should have suspected would have been California Grimes.”

“ Man,” said Grimes, in a meditative way, “ is a singular compound of strength and weakness. I have my share of physical, mental, and I may add moral strength, I suppose ; so I may as well acknowledge the corn, and confess to a share of physical, mental, and moral weakness. Yes, as you delicately intimate, I have been struck from that quarter, and the sole cause of my present flight is woman. Yes, sir.”

And, saying this, Grimes raised himself to an erect position, and, rubbing his short shingled hair with some violence, he stared hard at his friend.

“ A woman ! ” said Carrol. “ Queer too. You, too, of all men ! Well, I would n’t have believed it if you yourself had not said so. But do you mean to say that you ’re so upset that you ’re going to run for it ? Why, man, there must have been some difficulty. Is that it ? ”

“ Wal, somethin’ of that sort. Yes, we ’ll call it a difficulty.”

“ May I ask who the lady is ? ” asked Carrol, after a pause.

“Certainly. It’s Mrs. Lovell.”

“ Mrs. Lovell! ”

“ Yes.”

“ The Devil ! ”

“ Look here,” said Grimes, “ you needn't bring in that party in connection with the name of Mrs. Lovell; but at the same time I suppose you don’t mean any harm.”

“ Of course not. Excuse me, old boy, but I was astonished.”

“ That’s the lady anyhow.”

“ Of course,” said Carrol, “ I knew you were acquainted with Mrs. Lovell, but I never dreamed that you were at all affected. How in-fernally odd ! But how did it all come about?”

“ Wal,” said Grimes, “ I got acquainted with her in a very queer shape. You see I was in the cars once goin’ to Buffalo and saw her aboard. That’s the first sight of her. I was on my way through to Frisco, but turned off after her to Niagara, lettin’ my baggage slide. I watched her there for about a week, and at last one day I saw her goin’ out alone for a walk. I followed her at a respectful distance. Wal, distance lent such an enchantment, that I ventured nigher like a darned fly to a lighted candle. Suddenly a great gust of wind came and made my candle flare tremendously. By this I mean that the wind lifted her hat and fixin’s from her head, and blew the whole caboodle clean over the cliff. In a moment I jumped after it — ”

“ What! ” interrupted Carrol, “ not over the cliff ? ”

“ Yes, over the cliff. I tell you it was a sight that might have sent a fellow over a thousand cliffs. There she stood, as lovely as a dream, with her nat’ral hair all swingin’ and tossin’ about her head, like a nymph and a naiad and a dryad all rolled into one; and the sight of her was like a shock from a full-charged, double-barrelled galvanic battery, by jingo ! So over the cliff I went, as I said, just stoppin’ by the way to tell her I’d get her hat and things. Now I tell you what it is, if it had been the falls of Niagara I ’d have gone over all the same ; but as it happened it was only the cliff, a mile or so below, and for a man like me it was easy enough goin’ down, — a man like me that ’s got nerve and muscle and sinoo and bones and a cool head ; though, mind you, I don’t brag much on the coolness of my head at that particular moment. So over I went, and down I went. I found ledges of rocks and shelves ; and it wa’ n’t hard climbin’ ; so I did the job easy enough ; and as luck would have it, I found the hat not more than thirty or forty feet down, jammed among the rocks and trees where the wind had whirled it. Along with the hat I found the usual accompaniments of a lady’s head-gear. I secured them all and worked my way back, carryin’ the prize in my teeth.

“ Wal, I got up to the top and looked around. To my amazement the lady was nowhere to be seen. She was gone. I then institooted a series of delicate inquiries round about, and found out where she was livin’, and went there to return her the hat and fixin’s. She wa’ n’t able to see me. Too agitated, you know. The agitation had been too much for her no doubt, and had brought on a fever, accompanied by spasms and hysterics and other feminine pursuits. So I retreated, and on the followin’ day called again. And what do you think I learned ? Why she was gone, gone, sir, and for good ; left, fled, sloped, vamoosed, — none of your transitory flights, but an eternal farewell to California Grimes. And I never in my life experienced the sensation of being dumbfounded until that moment.

“ Wal, I wa’ n’t goin’ to give her up. It ain’t in me to knock under, so I set myself to find her. That job wa’ n’t over-easy. I did n’t like to ask her friends, of course, and so in my inquiries after her I had to restrict myself to delicate insinuations and glittering generalities. In this way I was able to find out that she was a Canadian, but nothing more. This was all I had to go upon, but on this I began to institoot a reg’lar, systematic, analytic, synthetic, and comprehensive search. I visited all the cities of Canada and hunted through all the Directories. At length, in the course of my wanderings, I came here, and here, sure enough, I found her; saw her name in the Directory, made inquiries at the hotel, and saw that I had spotted her at last.

“ Wal, the moment I found this out, that is, the day after, I went to see her. I found her as mild as milk, as gentle as a cooin’ dove, as pleased as pie, and as smilin’ as a basket of chips. She did n’t really ask me in so many words to call again, but I saw that she expected it ; and if she had n’t, it would have been all the same, for I was bound to see more of her.

“Wal, I ain’t goin’ to dilate upon love’s young dream now, but simply state that I indulged in it for several months, and it was not till to-day that I was waked out of it. It was a very rude shock, but it broke up the dream, and I ’m now at last wide awake and myself again.”

“ By this I suppose I am to understand that your sentiments were not reciprocated.”

“Very much. O yes; that’s the exact definition,” said Grimes, dryly. “Yes— Wal— You see it wa’n’t more than two hours ago. I went to see her. I told her all.”

“ Well ? ”

“ Wal, she listened as patient as a lamb, and didn’t interrupt me once. Now, as my story could n’t have been very particularly interestin’, I call that very considerate of her, in the first place.”

“ Well, and how did it end ? ”

“Wal, she didn’t say anythin’ in particular for some considerable time. At last I stopped. And then she spoke. And she presented me with a very sweet, soft, elegant, well-shaped, wellknit, dove-colored, tastefully designed, and admirably fittin’ — mitten.”

“ And that was the end, was it ? ” said Carrol, gloomily ; “jilted ? You might have known it. It’s always the way.”

“ What’s that ? ” exclaimed Grimes ; “always the way? No, it ain’t, not by a long chalk. On the contrary, people are gettin’ married every day, and never see a mitten at all.”

“ O, confound all women, I say ! ” growled Carrol. “ It’s always the way. They’re so full of whims and fancies and nonsense, they don't know their own minds. They ’ve no sense of honor. They lead a fellow on, and smile on him, and feed their infernal vanity, and then if the whim takes them they throw him off as coolly as they would an old glove. I dare say there ’s a way to get around them ; and if a fellow chose to swallow insults, and put up with no end of whims, he might eventually win the woman he loves, and to do that a man must lose his manhood. For my part, if a woman jilts me, she may go to the Devil.”

“ It strikes me,” said Grimes, “that you use rather strong language about the subject.”

Carrol laughed bitterly.

“Well, old fellow,” said he, “you’ve been jilted, and whatever you feel you appear to take it quietly. Now, 1 ’m not so much of a philosopher, and so I take it out in a little swearing.”

“You!” said Grimes, staring at the other in surprise. “ What have you got to do about it ? ”

“ O, nothing, — a little affair of my own. They say misery loves company, and if so, perhaps it ’ll be a comfort to you to know that I’m in the same box.”

“What’s that?” said Grimes; “the same what, — did you say ‘ box ’ ? ”

“ Yes,” said Carrol, while a heavy shadow passed over his face.

“What! not jilted?”

“ Yes, jilted.”

“Jilted? Good Lord! Not by a woman ! ”

“Well, I don’t exactly see how I could have been jilted by anybody else,” said Carrol, with a short laugh.

At this intelligence from Carrol, Grimes sat for a few moments in silence, staring at him and rubbing his hand slowly over his shingled hair.

“ Wal,” he said at length, “ it strikes me as queer, too. For you see I’m kind o’ modest about myself, but I’m free to say that I always regarded you not merely as a man, but also as one who might be a lady’s man. A fellow of your personal appearance, general build, gift of gab, and amiable disposition hain’t got any call, as far as I can see, to know anythin’ whatever of the nature of a mitten.”

“In spite of all these advantages,” said Carrol, quietly, “ I’ve got my own particular mitten in my own possession. I’ve got it in the shape of a beautiful little note, written in the most elegant lady’s hand imaginable.”

“ A note ? What do you mean by a note ? ”

“ O, nothing ; my affair, as it happened, was done up in writing.”

“Writing! Do you mean to say that you wrote a letter about such a matter ? ”

“ Yes, that was the way it was done.”

“A letter!” exclaimed, Grimes, in strong excitement. “What! Do you mean to say that you, with all your advantages, descended so low as to write a letter to the woman you pretended to love about a thing of such unspeakable importance. Good Lord ! Of all the darndest — ”

And Grimes sank back in his chair, overwhelmed by the idea.

“Well,” said Carrol, “I acknowledge that a letter is a very inferior sort of way of making a proposal, but in my case there was no help for it. I had to do it, and, as it’s turned out, it seems to me to be a confoundedly lucky thing that it was so, for it would have been too infernally mortifying to have had her tell me what she did tell me, face to face.”

“ Who is the lady ? ” asked Grimes, after a solemn pause. “ Is it any secret ? ”

“ O no, I ’d just as soon tell you as not. It’s Miss Heathcote.”

“ Miss Heathcote ! ” said Grimes, in surprise.

“ Yes.”

“ What ! Mrs. Lovell’s sister ? ”

“ Yes.”

“ Good thunder ! ”

“ It’s deuced odd, too,” said Carrol. “ You and I seem to have been directing our energies toward the same quarter. Odd, too, that neither of us suspected the other. Well, for my part, my case was a hard one. Miss Heathcote was always with her sister, you know, and I never had a decent chance of seeing her alone. I met her first at a ball. We often met after that. We danced together very frequently. I saw her two or three times by herself. I used to call there, of course, and all that sort of thing, you know. Well, at last I found myself pretty far gone, and tried to get an opportunity of telling her, you know ; but somehow or other, her sister seemed to monopolize her all the time, and I really had n’t a fair chance. Well, you know, I could n’t manage to see her alone, and at last I could n't stand it any longer, and so I wrote.

Now, mind you, although I had seen her alone only two or three times, yet I had very good reasons to suppose that she was very favorable to me ; a woman can give a man all sorts of encouragement, you know, in a quiet way. It seemed to me that there was a sort of understanding between us. In the expression of her face, in the tone of her voice, and in other things which I cannot mention, I saw enough to give me all the encouragement I wanted.

“Very well, I wrote as I said, and I got an answer. It was an answer that came like a stroke of lightning. Now, under ordinary circumstances, if a woman rejects a fellow, there is no reason why she should not do it in a kind sort of a way. Her very nature ought to prompt her to this. If, however, there had been anything like encouragement given to the unfortunate devil who proposed, it certainly would not be presumptuous to expect some sort of explanation, something that might soften the blow. Now in my case the encouragement had really been strong. Very well; I wrote, — under these circumstances, mind you, — I wrote, after I had been encouraged, — actually encouraged, mind you, after she had given me every reason to hope for a favorable answer, — and what — what do you think was the sort of answer that I really did get? What? Why, this ! ”

And Carrol, who by this time had worked himself into a state of intense excitement, snatched a letter from his pocket and flung it toward Grimes.

The act was so suddenly done that Grimes had not time to raise his hand to catch it. The letter fell upon the floor, and Grimes, stooping down, raised it up. He then read the address in a very solemn manner, after which he slowly opened it and read the following : —

“DEAR SIR: I have just received your letter, and regret very deeply that you have written to me on such a subject. I ’m sure I am not aware of anything in our mutual relations that could give rise to a request of such a nature, and can only account for it on the ground of sudden impulse, which your own good sense will hardly be able to justify. I trust that you will not think me capable of giving unnecessary pain to any one ; and that you will believe me when I say that it is absolutely impossible for me to entertain your proposal for one moment.

“Very truly yours, “MAUD HEATHCOTE.”

“Short, sharp, and decisive,” was the remark of Grimes, after he had read the note over two or three times ; and with these words he replaced the paper in the envelope and returned it to Carrol.

“ Now, mind you,” said Carrol, “ she had given me as much encouragement as a lady would think proper to give. She had evidently intended to give me the idea that she was not indifferent to me, and then — then — when I committed myself to a proposal, she flung this in my face. What do you think of that, for instance ? ”

“ It’s a stunner, and no mistake,” said Grimes, solemnly.

“ Well,” said Carrol, after another pause, “ I ’ve found out all about it.”

“ Found out ? ”

“ Yes, her little game. O, she’s deep! You would scarcely believe that so young a girl had such infernal craft. But it’s born in them. The weaker animals, you know, are generally supplied with cunning, so as to carry out the great struggle for existence. Cunning ! Cunning is n’t the word. I swear, of all the infernal schemes that ever I heard of, this one of Miss Heathcote’s was the worst. A deep game, yes, by heaven ! And it was only by the merest chance that I found it out.”

Carrol drew a long breath and then went on.

“You see, in the first place, she’s been playing a double game all this time.”

“ A double game ? ”

“Yes, two strings to her bow, and all that, you know.”

“ O’ another lover ! ”

“Yes, that miserable French vagabond that calls himself the Count du Potiron.”

“ Potiron ! What ! that infernal skunk ? ”

“Yes.”

“ What ! Do you mean to say that Miss Heathcote would condescend to look at a fellow like that ? I don’t believe it. She would n’t touch him with a pair of tongs. No, by thunder ! ”

“ Well, it’s a fact, as I know only too well.”

“ Pooh ! you ’re jealous and imagine this.”

“ I don’t! I have proof.”

“ What proof ? ”

“What proof? Wait till you hear my story.”

“ Fire away then.”

“ Well, this fellow, Du Potiron, has only been here a few weeks, but has managed to get into society. I saw him once or twice hanging about Mrs. Lovell’s, but, ’pon my soul, I had such a contempt for the poor devil that I never gave him a thought beyond wondering in a vague kind of way how the Devil he got there. But, mind you, a woman is a queer creature. Miss Heathcote is aristocratic in her tastes, or, rather, snobbish, and anything like a title drives her wild. The moment she saw this fellow she began to worship him, on account of his infernal sham nobility. The fellow’s no more a count than I am, I really believe ; but the name of the thing is enough, and to live and move and have her being in the presence of a real live count was too much for her. At once the great aim of her life was to become a countess.”

“ Wal,”said Grimes, as Carrol paused, “you seem somehow or other to have got a deep insight into the inner workin’s of Miss Heathcote’s mind.”

“ I tell you I know it all,” said Carrol, savagely. “ Wait till you hear all. Mind you, I don’t believe that she was altogether indifferent to me. I think, in fact, she rather liked me ; and if I’d been a count, I don’t know that she would have turned me off, unless she’d met with some member of a higher order of nobility. Besides, she did n’t feel altogether sure of her Count, you know, and did n’t want to lose me, so she played fast and loose with me ; and the way she humbugged me makes my blood boil now as I think of it. There was I, infatuated about her ; she, on her part, was cool and calculating all the time. Even in those moods in which she pretended to be soft and complaisant, it was only a miserable trick. She always managed to have her sister around, but once or twice contrived to let me be alone with her, just in order to give me sufficient encouragement to keep me on. But with the Frenchman it was different. He had no end of privileges. By heaven, I believe she must herself have taken the initiative in that quarter, or else he would never have dared to think of her. In this way, you see, she managed to fight off any declaration on my part, until she had hooked her Count. O, it was a deep game, and many things are clear to me now that used to be a puzzle !

“Well, you know, so the game went on, she trying to bag her Count, and at the same time keeping a firm hold of me, yet managing me so as to keep me at a distance, to be used only as a dernier ressort. Well, I chafed at all this, and thought it hard ; but, after all,

I was so infatuated with her that I concluded it was all right; and so it was that no idea of the actual fact ever dawned upon my poor dazed brains. But at last even my patience was exhausted, and so I wrote that letter. And now mark this. She had managed the whole affair so neatly that my letter came to her just after she had succeeded in her little game, won her Count, and was already meditating upon her approaching dignity. What a pretty smile of scornful pity must have come over her face as she read my letter ! You can see by her reply what she felt. The prospect of becoming a countess at once elevated her into a serene frame of mind, in which she is scarcely conscious of one like me ; and she ‘really does n't know of anything in our mutual relations which could give rise to such a request as mine.’ Isn’t that exquisite ? By heavens! I wonder what she would have said if I had happened to write my letter a fortnight ago. I wonder how she would have wriggled out of it. She’d have done it, of course ; but I confess I don’t exactly see how she could have contrived it without losing me altogether. And just then she wouldn’t have lost me for the world. I was essential to her. She wanted me to play off against the Frenchman. I was required as a decoy-duck — ”

“ See here, my son,” interrupted Grimes, “ these are terrible accusations to bring against a woman that you’d have laid down your life for only a week ago. It’s all very well for you to talk, but how do I know that this ain’t all your infernal jealousy ? How am I to know that these are all facts ? ”

“ In the simplest way in the world ; by hearing me out. I have n’t come yet to the point of my story. It was only last evening that I found this out. And this is what I ’m now coming to. You see, after I got her letter I was so confounded that I really did not know what to think or say. I had a vague idea of going to see her and have a personal explanation.”

“ That would have been sensible and manly,” said Grimes.

“ No, it would n't,” said Carrol, sharply ; “and as things are, it’s well I did n’t. Besides, I could n’t. I felt too much cut up. I was stung to the soul, and it seemed as if all the light of my life had suddenly gone out. No; fortunately my pride sustained me, and I was saved from making an infernal ass of myself by exhibiting my weakness for her to laugh at. Well, I won’t dwell upon this. I ’ll only say that I did n’t feel equal to anything for a couple of days, and then I sent her a few words of farewell.

“ Very well. Last evening I sent this letter of farewell, and then went off to the Magog House, in order to make some arrangements for quitting town this morning. I had made up my mind to leave at once and forever. I was going off for good. I did n’t know where, and did n’t care, so long as I had this place behind me. So I went to the Magog House. After attending to the business for which I had come, I went to the bar, and sat down with a cigar, thinking over my situation. Well, I had n’t been sitting there long, before a couple of fellows came in and went up to the bar. One was Du Potiron. He was talking very volubly, and was evidently in a great state of excitement.”

“ Was he drunk ? ” asked Grimes.

“No, quite as usual; only excited, you know.”

“ Ah, well, it’s all the same. Frenchmen never get drunk, because they are naturally intoxicated. A sober Frenchman is a good deal like a drunken Yank.”

“ I did n’t pay any attention to what he was saying,” resumed Carrol. “ My back was turned to the bar, and I was taken up altogether with my own thoughts, when suddenly I heard Du Potiron mention the name of Miss Heathcote. Now, you know, all his excitement had been about some wonderful good fortune of his, for which he was receiving his friend’s congratulations, and in honor of which he had invited him to take a drink. It is n’t a French custom, but Du Potiron has evidently been long enough in America to know American ways. So Du Potiron had come in to treat his friend. Now I heard all this congratulation in a vague way, and understood that it had something to do with a lady ; but when Miss Heathcote’s name was mentioned, the whole diabolical truth flashed upon me. I was perfectly stupefied, and sat for some minutes not able to move, and scarce able to breathe, listening to the fellow’s triumphant boasts. He boasted of his good fortune, — how she had favored him, how his whole acquaintance with her had been one long triumph, and how she had fallen at last like ripe fruit into his hands. And this rat I had to listen to ; for I tell you I could n’t move and could scarcely breathe. I was suffocating with fury.

“At last I got up and went over to him.

“ ‘ Look here,’ said I, ' you ’re talking about a lady who is a friend of mine, in a public bar-room, and it seems to me that it is time to call you to account.’ I said this very coolly and quietly, for I did n’t want the Frenchman to see how excited I was.

“ He looked at me in great surprise, and then said, ‘ Excuse me, sare, de lady that I haf spik of haf commit her name an’ her honneur to me, an’ no personne haf any claim to champion her but only me.’

'Pooh,’ said I, ' I don’t believe you have any claim of the sort. When I saw her last, she hadn’t the remotest intention of anything of the kind.’

“ I dare say my tone was very offensive, for the Frenchman turned very pale, and his eyes blazed with fury.

“ ‘ You don’t belief,’ said he. ‘ Aha ! You insulta me. Ver’ well. I sall haf satisfaction for de insult. An’ so you don’t belief. Ver’ well. You sall belief dis. Ha ! Ef you are so grand friend an’ champion, you sall tell me wat you tink of dees ! ’

“ And with these words he tore a letter from his pocket, and flourished it before my face. I saw the handwriting. It was hers. The letter was addressed to him. And in that one instant every boast of his was confirmed by her own signature, and I saw at once the infernal depth of her crafty, scheming nature. And, by heaven ! she ’ll find that she’s got things before her that will interfere a little with her brilliant prospects.”

Carrol paused. His face grew dark, and there was that in his eyes which showed that his words contained something more than empty menace.

“ Well ? ” asked Grimes, anxiously.

“ Well,” said Carrol, “at that I lost all control over myself, and I knocked him down. He jumped up, and turned upon me in a fury.

“‘You sall gif me sateesfaction for dis ! ’ he screamed.

“ ‘ Certainly,’ said I.

“ ‘ You sall hear from me, sare.’

“ ‘Very well,’ said I ; and then, as I did n’t see any use in staying there longer, I went off. Well, this morning I got a challenge from him, and this is the thing that has prevented my departure, and has brought me to you. Otherwise, it is n’t likely that we should have met again, unless, indeed, we had happened to turn up together at the same place in the middle of Crim Tartary. You see, I want you to be my second.”

“ Your second ? ” said Grimes, and fell into a deep fit of musing.

IV.

DEALINGS WITH “ MOOSOO.”

GRIMES sat for some time in profound silence.

“ Of course, you ’ll oblige me,” said Carrol, at length, somewhat impatiently.

“ Me ? O, you may rely upon me ; but, at the same time, I want you to understand that there’s difficulties in the way. Besides, I don’t approve of this.”

“Difficulties? Of course. Duels are against the law, and all that. No one fights duels here ; but sometimes nothing else will do.”

“ So you want to fight ? ” asked Grimes.

“ Yes,” said Carrol, fiercely. “ Law or no law, I want to fight — to the death. This is now the only thing that I care for. I want to let her see that she has n’t been quite so successful as she imagines, and to put some obstacle in the way of that serene and placid joy which she anticipates. She shall learn, if I can teach her, the old, old lesson, that the way of transgressor is hard.”

“Are you a good shot?” asked Grimes, in a mild voice.

“ No.”

“ Then how do you propose to pop Moosoo ? ”

“ Well, I ’ll have a shot at him.”

“ Are you aware that while you are firin’ he ’ll be firin’ too ? ”

“ Well ? ”

“ Are you aware that Moosoo is a first-rate shot ? ”

“ I did n’t know it.”

“Well, I do know it, for I happen to have seen somethin’ of it!”

“ O, I don’t care a curse whether he’s a good shot or not.”

“ Wal, it makes a good deal of difference, as a general thing. You don’t know anythin’ about fencin’, I s’pose ? ”

“ No.”

“ Wal, you’ve got to be precious careful how you enter on this dool.”

“ I tell you,” cried Carrol, impatiently, “ that I don’t care a curse whether I’m shot or not.”

“ And I tell you, you do care. If Moosoo hits you, it’s another feather in his cap. He ’ll return to the lady covered with laurels. 'See, the conquerin’ hero comes.’ She ’ll receive her warrior home from the wars. 'Gayly the Troubadour touched his guitar.’ He’ll be ‘Gayly the Troubadour,’ and you ’ll be simply contemptible. What’ll become of all your fine plans of retaliation, if you have to hobble about for thirteen months on a broken leg, or move in society with your arm in a sling ? What ’ll become of you, if you ’re suddenly called upon to exchange worlds, and pass from this festive scene to become a denizen of the silent sepulchre? Answer me that.”

Carrol said nothing, but his face flushed, and it was evident that these suggestions were not without effect.

“ Secondly, my brethren,” continued Grimes, “ I desire to call your attention to this important point. It’s unfair. You, who can’t shoot, go to meet a man who can. What do you call that ? I call it simple suicide. Has Moosoo such claims on you, that you are ready to offer up your life to him ? You’ll fall. He’ll fly. The lady’ll join him in New York, an' he 'll convey her to his home in Paris. Unfair? Why, it’s madness to think of it! ”

“ It’s deuced odd if I can’t hit a man at such a short distance.”

“ ’T ain’t so easy. Have you ever tried?”

“ No.”

“ Wal, I have, and I know what I’m talkin’ about. I tell you, you won’t hit him ; and that’s why I have my prejudices against the orthodox dool.”

“ What do you mean by the orthodox duel ? There’s only one kind.”

“ Excuse me,” said Grimes. “ There are other ways, — dools with knives, dools with rifles, dools with axes, and so forth. By the orthodox dool I mean the fashionable sort, that they originated in Europe. Now, I want you to understand, in the first place, that the orthodox dool is unfair, unjust, and unwise. Secondly, I want you to know that the dool is not restricted to any one mode, but that it has many forms throughout this green earth. And thirdly, I want you to see that in this particular case we must originate a dool which shall be adapted to said case in all its bearin’s.”

“ Originate a duel ? what do you mean ? ”

“ Wal, I mean this; you ’re the challenged party.”

“ Yes.”

“Wal, the challenged party has the choice of weepins.”

“ Yes.”

“And that means, furthermore, that the challenged party has the choice of modes.”

“ Modes ? ”

“ Yes, — the when, the where, and the how ; and the what, and the which, and the whuffore; so you see it becomes your proud privilege to select for yourself the mode that shall be most in accordance with your own peculiar situation.”

“ Well,” said Carrol, “ I certainly don’t want him to have all the advantages.”

“just so, and so it remains for us to consider the various kinds of dool, and to decide upon that mode which shall best secure a perfect equality between you two combatants. Now I happen at this moment to think of a plan by which both parties are on terms that are as nigh to equality as is ever permitted in this vale of tears. It is this. The two doolists either sit or stand close beside one another, and each one holds the muzzle of his pistol close to the forehead of the other. The word is called, ‘One! two! three!’ and at the word ‘ three ’ both fire. The result, as a general thing, is that neither one has any occasion to complain that the other had any undoo advantage over him. Now how does that strike you ? ”

Grimes asked this question with an air of paternal interest; with the manner, in fact, which a fond father might assume in asking his son’s opinion about some particularly pleasant mode of going to Europe for a year’s ramble.

Carrol’s brow lowered darkly, and an air of steady and stern resolve came over his face.

“ I ’ll do it,” said he; “I will, by Heaven. That is the mode I ’ll choose. He shall not take refuge in his skill, and I will not give him the chance of surviving me. It shall be a life-andleath affair. If I die he shall die also, Then my lady will learn that I am a subject for something else than jeers and laughter. By heaven!” he continued, starting to his feet, “that shall be my choice, and I ’ll have it settled at once.”

“ O, come now,” said Grimes, “ not so fast! We mustn’t snatch at the first suggestion. Let’s talk the matter over further. Come, sit down again, and let’s talk it over like Christian men. For my part, I ’m not altogether in favor of this plan. There ’s too much downright butchery in it ; and it don’t afford a ghost of a chance for the display of the finer feelings and instincts of humanity. Sit down again, my son. Don’t be in a hurry. It’s an important matter, and our deliberations should be grave and solemn.”

At this appeal Carrol resumed his seat, and waited somewhat impatiently for further suggestions.

“ The orthodox dool,” said Grimes, “gives you no chance; the one just mentioned is downright butchery, and may be called the slaughter dool. These are both at the opposite extremes. Now we want to hit upon the golden mean ; something that may combine the perfect fairness of the slaughter dool with the style, grace, sprightliness, and picturesque force of the orthodox dool.

“ Now how can the problem be solved ?” continued Grimes, after long and patient thought, the effects of which were visible in the numerous wrinkles of his corrugated brow. “ How can we get the golden mean ? Methinks I see it, — O, don’t be impatient! Methinks I have it, and I ’ll give you the idee.

“You see, it’s this, my son. If a good shot meets a bad shot, the fight is unfair ; but there are circumstances under which this inequality can be removed. If they fight in the dark, for instance, what advantage has one over the other? None whatever. Now I contend that darkness is every way suited to a dool. In the first place, a dool is a deed of darkness. In the second place, the combatants are on an equal footing. In the third place, it is secure from interruption. In the fourth place, it prevents any identification of the survivor in a court of law in case of his arrest. Seventeen other reasons equally good are in my mind now, but I forbear to enumerate them. But you yourself must see the immense superiority of a dool of this kind over any other. You must see how it answers the demands of the present occasion. Take your enemy into the dark. Deprive him of the advantages which accident gives him. Put yourself and him on an equal footing. Stand there, face to face and front to front, in the dark, and then blaze away. Them’s my sentiments.”

Grimes stopped, and watched Carrol in silence to see the effect of his suggestion. Not a word was spoken by either for a long time.

“A duel in the dark!” said Carrol, at length. “ It’s a new idea to me, but 'pon my soul, my dear fellow, I must say it strikes me rather favorably just now. I don't relish the idea of being nothing more than a mere target, and of letting her have it all her own way ; and then again, though I’m willing to accept what you call the slaughter dool, yet I confess I should prefer a mode of fighting in which death is not an absolutely inevitable thing ; and so, on the whole, it really seems to me as if the plan might not be a bad one ; and I think we had better decide upon it. But where could it come off? Are the nights dark enough ? ”

“ O yes, there’s no moon now.”

“ The best place would be under the shadow of some woods, I suppose.”

“ O no, the room of some house would be the best place.”

“ What ! a house ? inside a house ? ”

“ Yes.”

“Why, where could we find one that would be suitable ? ”

“ Wal, that is a matter which we must see about. I can undertake that job, and I ’ll go about it at once. I ’ve got a place in my mind now. Would you care about takin’ a walk and seein’ it ? ”

Carrol made no reply, but rose from his seat and prepared to accompany his friend.

Quitting the house, the two friends walked down the street, and took a direction which led out of town. They had not gone far before they saw a carriage approach, and both of them at once recognized the elegant barouche and spirited bays of Mrs. Lovell. Two ladies were in the carriage, and they knew them to be the very ones whom they did not care to meet at this particular moment. But retreat or even evasion was quite out of the question. The carriage was coming toward them at a rapid pace, and the next corner was too far away to afford a way of escape. Of course they could not think of turning round and walking back, so they kept on in the direction in which they were going.

The ladies saw them at* once and looked fixedly at them. Mrs. Lovell’s face was slightly flushed, and there was on it an air of embarrassment; but in spite of this there was a pretty smile which curved her rosy lips and dimpled her rounded cheeks in a highly fascinating way. But Maud was very different. Her face was pale, and her sad eyes fixed themselves with mournful earnestness on Carrol, throwing at him a glance of eager, wistful entreaty.

As the carriage came up, Grimes looked toward it, and caught Mrs. Lovell’s glance, and saw her smile. She bowed in the most marked manner possible ; and Grimes removed his hat and made a very low bow in return. While doing this he stood still, and after he had performed this ceremony he turned and stared after the carriage with a flushed face for more than a minute. Then with a sigh he resumed his walk, but found to his surprise that Carrol had walked ahead for some considerable distance.

If there had been a difference between the expressions of Mrs. Lovell and Maud, there had certainly been a corresponding difference between the demeanor of Carrol and that of Grimes on this momentous occasion. Each had been equally agitated at this unexpected meeting, but each had shown his emotion in a different way. The way of Grimes has already been described. But while Grimes allowed his eyes to be drawn to the spot where his idol sat enthroned in her chariot, Carrol refused to let his eyes wander at all. At that moment he was like the gladiator on his way to the arena passing before the throne of Cæsar. Moriturus te salutat was the thought of his despairing and imbittered soul ; and deep within his heart was a conviction of the utter baseness of that beautiful girl who had betrayed him. Had she not encouraged him with false hopes ? Had she not led him on ? Had she not made him her tool, her decoy-duck, through whom she might gain the object of a vulgar and contemptible ambition ? Was not all his life ruined through her ? Was he not going even now to his death,—he, the doomed gladiator ? Moriturus te salutat!

He looked straight ahead, not allowing his eyes to rest on her, — his pale features set in an expression of icy calm, an expression very different from the frank joyousness which Maud so well remembered. Yet he did not forget the salutation, — even though he was going to die, — but as the carriage rolled by he raised his hat and so walked on.

After a time Grimes caught up to him, and the two walked on together. Neither one said a word, for each one had thoughts which he did not feel inclined to express in words. At length, after about an hour’s walk, in which they had gone about two miles out of the town, they came within sight of an old house.

“Thar,” said Grimes, “that’s the place ; what do you think of it ? ”

“O, I dare say it ’ll do well enough,” said Carrol, in an absent way.

“ I say,” said Grimes, “gather up your wits, and be a man. It was an infernally unlucky thing that we met them, but it could n’t be helped, nohow, and I’ve been upset ever since; but what’s the use of miaulin like a darned cat over a drownded kitten ! I won’t, for one.”

Saying this, Mr. Grimes drew a long breath, and then proceeded to pound his chest vigorously with his two brawny fists, in the fashion which Mr. Du Chaillu ascribes to the cheerful gorilla. This pleasant exercise seemed to do Mr. Grimes a world of good ; for after he had struck a number of blows, each of which, if dealt upon an enemy, might have reduced that enemy to a state of pitiable harmlessness, he said briskly and sharply, “Wal, now let’s get to business.”

The deserted house stood about a hundred yards from the road. Carrol followed his friend in silence as he passed through a broken gateway and over what had once been a garden to the house. There were no doors or windows in the house, and there was a general air of desolation about it that was oppressive.

“ Wal,” said Grimes, “ will this suit ? ”

“ Anything ’ll suit,” said Carrol, coldly.

“ You agree to this kind o’ fightin’ ?”

“ I agree to anything,” said Carrol. “ We’ve talked all that over.”

“ So we have, but this sort of fightin’ presupposes a desperate mind.”

“ Well, I tell you, I am desperate. I don’t care whether I live or die. I’ve seen the last of that treacherous she-devil, and only want to live long enough to put one drop of bitterness in her cup. But what’s the use of talking ? Give me that Frenchman and put me in here with him. That’s all I want.”

“ Darkness,” said Grimes, solemnly, “sometimes has a depressin’ effect on the human nerve. Can you stand that ? ”

“ O, damn the human nerve ! ” growled Carrol. “ I tell you I can stand anything.”

“ I’m afraid you ’re just a mite too excited, my son ; but then, temperaments differ. Now the prospect of a good, rousin’ fight has a kind of cheerin’ effect on me, and makes me a Christian in one sense, for I get almost to love my enemy.”

“ Well, I’ve a different feeling toward my enemy,” said Carrol; “ so now let’s go and finish up this business as soon as we can. It must be done up to-night.”

“ So say I ; for I ’ve got to go,” said Grimes. “ I ’ll go now after Moosoo. Where shall I see you ? ”

“At your rooms. I won't go back to mine, I don't want to see any fellows.”

On reaching the town again Grimes went off, and Carrol went to the rooms of his friend, where he awaited the result.

In about two hours Grimes came back.

“ Wal,” said he, “ you ’re in the dark here. Suppose we have some light on the subject.” And he proceeded to light up. “ Won’t you smoke ? ”

Carrol said nothing, but began to fill a pipe in an abstracted way, while Grimes filled another.

“ Wal,” said he, “ I ’ve been and seen ’em ; and a precious hard time I ’ve had of it, too. They ’re both Moosoos, and your Moosoo and his friend, bein’ foreigners, had a most unnat’ral prejudice against the mode of combat decided on by you. And it’s taken me full two good hours to beat into their frog-eatin’ heads that this is the only fair, just, equitable, unpartial, and reasonable mode of fightin’ recognized among high-toned men. And so it is. For look at me. I’m a hightoned man. Wal, I give my vote clean in favor of it.

“ Moosoo’s friend is a fellow-countryman of his who came out with him to America ; and as they have neither of them been here more than two or three months, they show an ignorance and a prejudice and a stoopidity that is incredible. Why, they actilly had the audacity to quote their infernal frog-eatin’ French customs against me, — me that’s been brought up on the Californy code. But I managed precious soon to show them that their small Paris fashions wa’ n’t a circumstance out here.”

“ You must understand that first of all I saw only his friend, but he found my proposition so disagreeable, and, as he called it, so monstrous, that he had to consult Moosoo himself, and gradually I was worked into the conversation with the principal. Fortunately, I can talk their language as fast as they can, with a good, strong, honest Yankee accent, which I may add is the only safeguard to the moral nature of a free American when he doos speak French.

“ Wal, I found Moosoo as venomous as a rat, and as thirsty for your blood as a tiger. He felt confidence in his own skill, and was as sure of you as he would be of his dinner, yea, perhaps more so. And this was the very thing I tackled him about at the outset. I showed him that we, bein’ the challenged party, had a right to define our weepins and locate the scene of action. I showed that we were bound to look after our rights, privileges, and appurtenances, and not let him have it all his own way. I then went on to show that the proposed mode was at once sound, just, fair, wise, equitable, and honest. Wal, the blind prejudice of Moosoo was amazin’, I never saw anythin’ like it. All my arguments about fairness, equity, and abstract right were thrown away. So, then, I had to bring before him my second point, namely, that this is the custom of the country.”

“ What! to fight duels in the dark ? ”

“Wal, no, not precisely that, but to fight accordin’ to the will of the challenged party. As for fightin’ in the dark, I showed that this of itself was not the custom, but still it was a custom of the country, and as such deserved to be regarded with veneration by foreigners, and adopted by them whenever it was the desire of an American who might be the challenged party. This argument was one which they did n’t find it so easy to meet. They fit against it like all-possessed ; but my position was an impregnable one, and they could no more shake me from it than a couple of bumblebees could uproot the giant tree that lifts its gorgeous hend from the midst of the primeval forest. No, sir. And finally, as a settler, I brought up Californy. I described its wealth of resources, animal, vegetable, and mineral ; its giant mountains, its sunless valleys, its broad plains, its stoopendous trees ; I dilated upon the Yosemite ; I portrayed the Golden Gate ; I gave them estimates of our annual commerce; I explained our school law, our criminal law, and our specie currency. I informed them that Californy was at once the brain, the heart, and the right arm of the broad continent; that Californy usage was final throughout America, and that Californy sanctioned the mode proposed.

“ Wal, now, Moosoo was dreadful disinclined to fight a duel in the dark. He was bloodthirsty and venomous, but at the same time I detected in him a dash of timidity, and the prospect of this kind of a meeting' upset him a little. It’s either natural timidity croppin’ out, or else it’s a kind of superstition, perhaps both ; and whatever it was it made him refuse this dool for a long time. But Californy settled him. The supreme authority of America was somethin’ they could n’t object to.

“ Wal, I redooced them to submission, and then it only remained to settle the details. Wal, first and foremost, we are to go there,—all of us together. Wal, then the seconds are to put the principals in the room whar the business is to be transacted. Wal, then the seconds are to take their departure and fly.”

“ What’s that ? what ? ” asked Carrol, who had thus far listened without showing much interest. “Why should the seconds go ? ”

“ Why should they stay ? ”

“Well, I don’t know, except to see fair play.”

“ Wal, in the first place, as it’s goin’ to be pitch dark the seconds won’t be able to see anything; in the second place, the very essence of the whole thing is that the fighters be left to their own natural instincts ; and in the third place, if no one sees it there won’t be any witnesses for the lawyers to get hold of in case the survivor is tried for his life.”

“ And do you really mean to say that you 're going away ? Won’t you stay till — till — ” Carrol hesitated.

“Stay?” echoed Grimes. “Stay? Me! — me stay! And here! What, here ! Are you mad ? Don’t you see my trunk ? Have n't you heard my mournful story? Oughtn't I even now to be rollin’ along on my windin’ way ? No. I leave this place at once and forever ; and I ’m only waitin’ to be of service to an old friend in the hour of need ; and, my son, I 'll shake hands with you when we part, and bid you good by, with the hope that we may at last meet again whar parlin’s air unknown.”

Midnight was the hour settled upon for the duel, and about half past eleven Grimes and Carrol called on the Frenchmen. They were ready. Du Potiron looked pale and nervous; in which respect Carrol was fully his equal. Du Potiron’s friend looked dark and sullen. Grimes alone showed anything like ordinary good feeling. He was calm, urbane, chatty, and at times even jocose. He had the manner of one who was putting a strong restraint upon himself, but underneath this restraint there was an immense pressure of riotous feeling that at times surged up mightily. The feeling was the furthest possible from grief or anxiety. Was it natural cold-heartedness in this man that allowed him at such a time to be capable of such levity, that permitted him, while accompanying an intimate and trusting friend on such an errand, to have no thought of that friend’s impending doom ?

So they marched on, the four of them ; first Grimes and Carrol, then the two “ Moosoos.” After finding that his companions declined conversation, Grimes gave it up, and walked on in silence. Sometimes his huge frame would shake from his hat to his boots ; and on one occasion he even went so far as to beat his breast, gorilla fashion, — a proceeding that excited much suspicion and anxiety in the minds of the foreigners.

Carrol noticed this, but did not think much about it. He was well acquainted with the eccentricities and extravagances of his friend, and did not see much in his present conduct that was very different from usual. Once or twice, it is true, he could not help feeling that repressed laughter was a little out of place, but he accounted for it on the ground that Grimes was really troubled in his mind, and took this way of struggling with his emotion.

On the whole, however, Carrol did not give much thought to Grimes. As he walked on, his mind was occupied with the events of the last few days, and the dark rendezvous before him. In those few days were comprised all the real trouble he had ever known. He had never in his life quarrelled with any one, much less fought a duel; yet here in three days his heart had been filled with bitterness and hate and despair.

Nor amid these contending feelings was he least affected by a certain horror of soul arising from the meeting before him. He was going at that midnight hour to meet death or to inflict it. That gloomy, deserted house, under the midnight sky, was to be the scene ; and in that house even now there awaited one of them, perhaps both, the King of Terrors.

Was it wonderful, then, that at such a time and on such an errand, there should have come over Carrol’s soul a certain overwhelming and shuddering awe ? Has not the greatest of singers shown this feeling in the soul even of Ajax while fighting in the dark? Carrol going in broad day to meet his enemy would have been animated solely by that vindictive hate which he had already manifested, and would have soothed himself by the hope of inflicting sorrow of some sort on Miss Heathcote ; but Carrol at midnight, in the dark, on his way to that place of meeting, to encounter an unseen enemy, found himself a weaker being. He was unable to maintain his fierce vindictive hate. Wrath and fury subsided at the presence of that one feeling which in all human hearts is capable of overmastering all else, — the unspeakable sense of horror.

James DeMille.