The Neurotic's Notebook

When a man falls in love, he wants
to go to bed. When a woman falls in
love, she wants to talk about it.

Lovers’ quarrels end in kisses, each
a little less innocent than the one
before.

If you hate your lot but would not
trade it, it is not your lot you hate.

If you charge it, all children and
most women will think it doesn’t cost
anything.

For the neurotic — anywhere he
hangs himself is home.

If your husband expects you to
laugh, do so; if he expects you to cry,
don’t; if you don’t know what
he expects, what are you doing
married?

Minor vices lead to major ones,
but minor virtues stay put.

If there’s one celebrity at the party,
he’ll spend the whole time with his
clique; if there are two, they’ll spend
the whole time with each other.

Those without money often say they
would do anything for it, when they
only mean they would do anything
pleasant and convenient. That’s why
the rich flourish.

A first-rate marriage is like a firstrate hotel: expensive, but worth it.

“If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a
thousand times.” That is every
woman’s autobiography.

I dare to drink the water where there
is reason to doubt, yet cannot make
the same concession to God.

Never let your children be greater
snobs than you are.

When two neurotics marry, there is
no one to listen.

Youth is not enough. And love is
not enough. And success is not
enough. And, if we could achieve it,
enough would not be enough.