Menu for Independence Day

HAVE you seen the new Independence Day Protocol put out by the Ministry of Education and Culture? It is a nice piece of work written in rustic Hebrew and consists of poems, instructions on many things, including where to drink wine, explanations of lots of fine symbols, and even a special menu for an Independence Day dinner. We, too, being gourmets of a sort, have prepared a menu of our own:

FIRST COURSE

Bread Stuffed with Crushed Matzoth

During the siege of Jerusalem there was nothing to eat but stale bread and crumbs of matzoth. The bread symbolizes toil, and the matzoth, freedom. Together they symbolize freedom which is achieved by toil. This dish may be prepared European style, by adding lots of sugar and cinnamon, or Middle Eastern style, by flavoring with dried thyme and cumin.

SECOND COURSE

Mixed Vegetable Soup and a Chicken Bone

This soup is a symbol of the ingathering of the exiles, the conglomeration of the tribes, and the meeting of East and West. The bone symbolizes the British, who stuck here during the fighting like a bone in our throats. The mixing of the vegetables also symbolizes the confusion of the first days of the state. This dish should be cooked in a melting pot, which symbolizes the melting pot which is Israel.

THIRD COURSE

Fish Fillet in Orange Gravy

This dish symbolizes the fish fillet, which we ate during our first five years of independence, and the orange groves, which provide us with our biggest export. The fish should be fried as we are fried in each Independence Day heat wave, and the oranges should be squeezed as we are squeezed by the Income Tax Department.

DESSERT

Independence Cake Filled with Fruit and Symbols

This dish will contain all the symbols of the other dishes and some more besides, and should be baked in the form of a Star of David to symbolize King David and Theodor Herzl.

Take two glasses of burgul in memory of Burgul and mix with a salted hard-boiled egg in honor of the Crossing of the Red Sea. Add two spoons of olive oil as a symbol of peace and one spoon of water in memory of the water shortage. Sprinkle generously with salt as a reminder of tears. Mix well in a cement mixer, which symbolizes the upbuilding of the country, and let stand for two hours as a token of all the queues we have stood in. Cut into small pieces 125 grams of dates, the symbol of the Negeb; 125 grams of figs, a symbol of our modesty; 125 grams of raisins, to symbolize Jewish wisdom; 60 grams of lemon rind, as a symbol of the bitter days of the British mandate; and 200 grams of sugar, in memory of the sweet days when a pound was a pound and the piaster had a hole in it. Cook all this in a pressure cooker until all the symbols have melted into one great symbol. Roll out the burgul dough, stuff with the big symbol, and bake for thirteen hours as a symbol of our thirteen years of independence. When done, spread yoghurt on the top, decorate with parsley, and serve.