The P. P. A

LET us pause and consider for a moment the pedestrian. No one else does. If you will study him unobserved, you will note that he is a combination of track star, trick dancer, contortionist, and a man of infinite patience.

Someone — not a wit, but a wise man — once said, ‘There are two kinds of pedestrians, the quick and the dead.‘

I propose, therefore, establishing the P. P. A. — Pedestrian Protective Association. It shall attempt to write into the laws of the land the following measures: (1) Motorists shall give the pedestrian at least a five-yard start; (2) It shall be unlawful for any motorist to come up more than three feet on the sidewalk to get a pedestrian; (3) Motorists shall not laugh unduly loud after hitting a pedestrian; (4) Motorists missing pedestrians shall not use language offensive to anyone; (5) The motorist’s quota of pedestrians shall not be more than nine in any one season; (6) Motorists uprooting trees, shrubbery, or lawns must replace them or be ruled off the course; (7) Motorists using special instruments on front fenders for spearing pedestrians must see that they do not interfere with other cars.

These laws may seem unduly oppressive to the motorists, but they should be able to bear up.