Mr. Hall Protects Himself

IT was all on account of Miss Saunders. She got married, and this meant that Mr. Hall had to have a new secretary, a Miss Olney who turned out badly. Although she took dictation well, typed neatly, and was an expert with the files, she had one fatal weakness. She could n’t say no to people who wanted to see Mr. Hall. Whether it was an excess of politeness or a lack of firmness makes no difference. The fact is that practically everybody who made the attempt managed to get into Mr. Hall’s private office and talk to him.

Insurance agents got in most of all. In the first four days of Miss Olney’s tenure eleven agents interviewed Mr. Hall. Since a classmate had always handled all his insurance, Mr. Hall refused them all, but not until he had listened with admirable patience to their various plans, for, like his new secretary, he had n’t the slightest conception of the art of getting rid of people — a knack which one is either born with or not. Miss Saunders, of course, had always done that for him.

At ten o’clock Friday morning when the twelfth agent walked into his office, Mr. Hall knew instantly that he was a changed man from the day before. Almost all people are like that. They make no preconceived plan, but suddenly, when they are confronted with a recurring situation, something inside of them says: ‘Handle it differently this time.’

Mr. Hall said: ‘Insurance?’

The man nodded.

‘Good!’ said Mr. Hall, and the agent beamed. ‘I need it.’

‘I feel certain —’ began the fellow.

Mr. Hall cut him short. ‘I want insurance against insurance agents.’

The salesman laughed. ‘I suppose people do sometimes think that would be a good idea,’ he admitted.

‘You think I’m joking,’ said Mr. Hall abruptly, ‘but I’m not. I mean just what I say. I want to take out a policy against insurance agents. I want a policy where I pay so much a year — probably a pretty high rate. Then, if insurance agents get into this office, your company pays me a flat sum. Let’s see — I think I’d like one for ten thousand dollars. What are your rates on that?’

‘My company is merely life and endowment,’ said the insurance man, eyeing Mr. Hall uneasily. ‘We would n’t —’

Again Mr. Hall interrupted him. ‘Well, then, get me a policy from a company that does. You agents coöperate, don’t you? You can share the commission with some friend of yours in an insurance-agent insurance company, can’t you?’

‘I know of no such company,’ replied the salesman with dignity. ‘I don’t think there are any.’

‘What! There aren’t any! How about Lloyd’s? Doesn’t Lloyd’s insure against triplets, and rain, and shipwrecks, and Bobby Jones beating everybody at golf? You mean to say Lloyd’s could n’t insure me against a simple thing like insurance agents?’

‘I doubt it,’ said the man.

‘Ridiculous!’ sputtered Mr. Hall. ‘Of course they would! You’re just too lazy to find out. That’s the trouble with all you fellows,’ he continued, liking the feel of the bit in his teeth. ‘You haven’t got push. And that reminds me. When you see the Lloyd’s representatives — ’

‘I’m not going to see the Lloyd’s representatives.’

‘ When you see them,’ reiterated Mr. Halt, ‘I want you to find out about some other policies. I want to see what their rates are for insuring my radio from going bad when I’m listening to the opera. I want my watch insured against being slow when I have to catch trains to Chicago. I want to be insured against my wife’s going into no trump when she should continue my suit — against my son getting fired from college — against friends telling what a good time they had on Saturday night.’

‘I’m sorry,’ said the salesman coldly, ‘but I know of no company that handles any of the things you mention.’

‘In that case,’ said Mr. Hall, ‘good day.’

When the fellow had gone, Mr. Hall summoned Miss Olney. ‘If any more insurance agents show up,’ he commanded, ‘send them right in. After all, insurance agents have got to earn a living just like anybody else, have n’t they?’

‘Yes,’ said Miss Olney. ‘Of course.’