A Tale of Rival Giants

— I have lately read a magazine article on the subject of giants, which attributes to those grotesque monsters great good nature with proportionate small wit. Whether this discrimination be just or otherwise, it recalls a story of two giants, which, in my young days, I received by oral transmission from Gaelic kin of mine beyond the water.

Almost all persons visiting the Giant’s Causeway in the north of Ireland, and Fingal’s Cave on the west coast of Scotland, have noted the fact that in both places the structures are of the same basaltic rock, apparently carved with exquisite niceness, and so adjusted as to form the greatest natural architectural wonders of the world. The Giant’s Causeway projects into the sea, and appears to extend thereunder in the direction of Scotland. Indeed, many physicists regard it as continuous, passing under the water to reappear at Fingal’s Cave. Some geologists even maintain that in former days this marvelous stone bridge extended from Scotland to Ireland in unbroken line above the water. It is not thus now, and this is the reason why : —

Once upon a time there lived in the wilds of Galloway a Scottish giant. Like others of his kind, he was bloodthirsty and vainglorious. Modesty dwelt not in him. So when the rumor came to him that across the causeway (which before these unregeuerate days did span the sea from Galloway to Antrim) there dwelt an Irish giant of equal proportions, and nowise his inferior in the use of the long-bow, our Cyclops of Galloway was much troubled in his savage mind. The friends of both parties continued to fan the flame of jealousy which burned in the red breast of the Scotsman, to the end that one day he arose in his wrath, performed what was then understood as an Highland toilet, and, girding up his loins with mickle tartan, he strode across that causeway in search of his detested rival.

Away in Antrim dwelt the Irish giant, in a cottage built to order so as to contain the greater part of his stalwart person. The Irish giant was married, and a red-haired colleen presided over his hearth. Now, this red-haired colleen was a shrewd little woman, and as, when standing on tiptoe, she scarcely came as high as the giant’s knee, she had long regarded him with uplifted eyelids.

On the morning when our story properly begins, Bridget Rua (which is Celtic for Red Biddy) saw speeding over the causeway a form more gigantic, more gruesome, and, if possible, more fell of purpose than that of Paddy her lord. With a glance she divined the errand of the intruder, and, experience having taught her that discretion is the better part of valor, she proceeded to ensconce Paddy in a cradle which yet awaited its occupant. “ Lie there, Pat,” said she, “and portend ye’re asleep.”

Scarce was Pat comfortably settled when a heavy step which shook the landscape announced the arrival of Sawney.

“ Hoo’s a’ wi’ ! ”

“ Whist, mon ! ” ejaculated Red Biddy, raising her finger. “ Whist, mon, or ye ’ll wake the child! again raising the admonitory finger.

A change came over the expression of the doughty Scot. His truculence faltered to astonishment.

“You’re joking, mem.”

“Divil a joke,” said Bridget Rua. “If ye wake the child, there ’ll be murther when Paddy comes home.”

“ Yon the chiel ? ” gurgled the dismayed Scot, glancing suspiciously at the supine figure, which extended four feet beyond the crib in both directions.

“ Bedad, if ye wait there till Paddy comes home, ye ’ll soon larn who the father is, bad ’cess to ye ! ” said she.

The bewildered Caledonian, his lips frozen with astonishment, once more ejaculated, “Yon the chiel? I ’ll no stay here.”

Whereupon, with such speed as terror gives, this giant of the Galloways hastened back to his native province with so great precipitation that the causeway gave away under him; and certain it is that to this day many and many a mile of blue water foams and storms between the Giant’s Causeway and Fingal’s Cave.

Cannot we trace in Hibernian wit to this day the same dexterous yet artless-seeming ingenuity that informed the clever stratagem of Bridget Rua ?