Who Won the Glastonbury Music Festival: America or Europe?
Picking victors and losers from the world's most storied rock extravaganza
Picking victors and losers from the world's most storied rock extravaganza
Music festivals aren’t contests, but maybe they should be. Representatives from the world’s two rock n’ roll superpowers—the United States and the European Union—met on a muddy field in Southwest England this past weekend. We were there to judge the performances, Ryder Cup-style. Hey, if it’s good enough for golf, it’s good enough for Glastonbury.
Class: THE HEADLINERS | |
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| U2 Albums: Twelve, but little that’s worth listening to after 1987. Strengths: A wealth of arms-aloft anthems; a spectacular live show; arena-sized self-belief Weaknesses: Bono’s self-indulgence (was an a capella version of “Jerusalem” really necessary?) Performance: Bono doesn’t miss a note, sermonising is kept to a minimum and “One” is the first anthem of the weekend. Mission accomplished, U2. Crowd reaction: Mixed. Sorry, Bono, but Glasto could work with or without you. | Beyoncé Albums: Four, but she’s best experienced live Strengths: The only headliner at the peak of their powers; the mass convergence of 100,000 single ladies. Weaknesses: Blur…Stevie Wonder…Beyoncé? Does she lack the gravitas needed for the hallowed Sunday night slot? Performance: Fireworks, earth-shaking vocals and bootylicious dancing. Who run this mother? Beyoncé. Crowd reaction: Putty in her hands. They even sing along to her dreadful new single, “Best Thing I Never Had.” |
| VERDICT: U.S. wins | |
Class: THE FOLKIES | |
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| Fleet Foxes Albums: Two (Fleet Foxes and Helplessness Blues), both brilliant Strengths: Beards and woolly jumpers are part of the Glastonbury aesthetic, so the band fits right in Weaknesses: At their previous Glasto performance, in 2009, they failed to translate their intimate folk songs to these bigger surroundings. Performance: They’ve learnt their lesson. Songs grow teeth live and Robin Pecknold’s vocals are one of Glasto’s great sounds. Crowd reaction: The weekend’s first love-in. The Brits just can’t get enough of Fleet Foxes. | Mumford & Sons Albums: One (Sigh No More), a hit on both sides of the Atlantic Strengths: A swashbuckling live act that (normally) gets the crowd going Weaknesses: The beginnings of a banjo backlash; a lack of new material Performance: What should be a festival highlight (it’s a secret gig round a campfire) turns out to be a damp squib. The band arrives too late, leaves too early, and fails to thrill in between. Crowd reaction: Initial excitement turns to disappointment when the band leaves after just five numbers. |
| VERDICT: U.S. wins | |
Class: THE ARTSY OUTSIDERS | |
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| TV on the Radio Albums: Five, all of a high standard Strengths: The weekend’s most interesting and intelligent band Weaknesses: Bassist Gerard Smith lost his battle with cancer earlier this year—can the band cope without him? Performance: From the soaring “Young Liars” to a cover of the Ghostbusters’ theme, TVOTR are here to have fun. An uplifting triumph. Crowd reaction: The few that are there love it. | Anna Calvi Albums: One splendid debut (Anna Calvi) Strengths: The looks of a supermodel, the voice of a banshee and the guitar skills of Jeff Buckley. Weaknesses: The tunes don’t quite match the talent. Performance: Breathtaking. Calvi’s guitar chops are sensational, and “Love Won’t Be Leaving” is a festival highpoint. Crowd reaction: Lots of appreciative nodding and the occasional whoop of excitement (mostly from men) |
| VERDICT: Europe wins | |
Class: THE RAPPERS | |
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| Tinie Tempah Albums: One commercial and critical success (Disc-Overy) Strengths: British rap’s man of the moment, Tinie’s been hoovering up awards like an anteater Weaknesses: Is he just a poor man’s Dizzee Rascal? Performance: Tinie’s nothing if not a crowd-pleaser and doesn’t disappoint. A few more hits and he’ll be headlining festivals Crowd reaction: “Pass Out,” Tinie’s signature song, turns Glasto into one giant dancefloor. | Wu-Tang Clan Albums: Five—but it’s all about the live show Strengths: That they have made it through customs. Method Man complains that they were treated “like the moutherfucking Taliban.” Weaknesses: He appears to be performing in his dressing gown. Performance: Part aerobics instructors, part rappers, Wu-Tang Clan battle through the inclement weather to deliver a fabulous, high-energy performance. Crowd reaction: Massive. More W’s in the air than at a George Bush rally. |
| VERDICT: U.S. wins | |
Class: THE ROCKERS | |
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| Queens of the Stone Age Albums: Five Strengths: Their hard-living heavy-rock is perfect festival fodder. Weaknesses: They’re on at the same time as Beyoncé—and the whole of Glasto is at Beyoncé. Performance: A raw, raucous display culminating in ‘No One Knows’ a.k.a. The Best Festival Song Ever Crowd reaction: As rowdy as the band | Biffy Clyro Albums: Five Strengths: The Scots have become a festival favourite, thanks to their blistering, big-hearted rock songs Weaknesses: During last year’s performance, singer Simon Neil badly injured his knee. Has Glasto got it in for him? Performance: An injury-free outing that covers the full extent of Biffy’s back catalogue, it’s glorious. Crowd reaction: Their notoriously nutty fans are out in force. Cue moshpits, fist pumps and mass sing-alongs. |
| VERDICT: Europe wins | |
Final score: America 3, Europe 2. U.S.A.! U.S.A.!